Last Tuesday, the regular’s table at The Roost Cafe sat cold and empty by the front window.
For some mysterious reason, its usual occupants had elected to huddle in the dim light of a backroom table.
I had business with one of them, but when I approached, they hissed and waved me off.
Which was odd.
So I mounted a stool at the counter next to my neighbor Walt.
“What’s up with them?” I asked.
“They’re planning a conspiracy,” he whispered.
“Really? About what?”
“They don’t know yet, they are still in the planning stage.”
As he dug into his hashbrowns, Walt went on to explain.
“Johnson has always been a QAnon conspiracy buff, but now he has dragged the rest of them down the rabbit hole.”
He paused to test the temperature of his coffee with his index finger.
“Remember those pyramid schemes people were buying into years ago?”
I did.
“They failed because anyone with a brain knew it was smarter to start at the top rather than buy into the bottom.”
“Oh no, I see where you are going. Instead of buying into a QAnon conspiracy, the old boys have decided to start their own.”
“Precisely!”
“Sounds like fun, how does one get in on it?”
“You can’t, if they let just anyone in, it wouldn’t be a conspiracy, now would it?”
He had a point.
It is why I never put much credence in such plots.
Mainly because the #1 rule of scheming is that no one knows how to shut up. Sooner or later, it all comes out.
The very idea of an all encompassing conspiracy runs counter to human nature. If anyone ever managed something that big, the temptation to blab about it would be overwhelming.
In the real world, there are manipulations of politics, the media and the markets, but they require no more planning and silence than a school of herring needs to swirl and whirl about. It may appear both beautiful and uncanny to watch a churning flock of starlings but it requires no more of the birds than instinctively knowing what to do.
Human corruption is like that too.
But the thing that bothers me most about conspiracy theories is the powerlessness of it all. At its root, blaming what is wrong with the world on dark and mysterious forces simply allows one to avoid the discomforts of reality.
As Walt and I mused about it all, another neighbor came to join us at the counter. Eyeing the group in the backroom, he leaned in to ask, “How is their conspiracy going?”
We were shocked.
“How did you hear about it?”
“It’s all over town.”
Almost Iowa 
This made me laugh. I grew up in a small town and conspiracies and any other type of news spread so quickly. Pre-internet and pre-social media even. Word got around quick.
“At its root, blaming what is wrong with the world on dark and mysterious forces simply allows one to avoid the discomforts of reality.” Amen.
You are so right! The basic flaw in any major conspiracy theory is human nature: nothing stays secret forever….or even for very long. And I also agree that buying into conspiracy theories does let us all “off the hook” for what is wrong with our society. Ditto the constant blaming the “other side.” When we do that, we don’t have to look in the mirror and see our own flaws, do we? Thanks for another thought provoking and entertaining post!
If this post was a conspiracy to get me hooked, you succeeded admirably. It’s too late to take back my “Like” anyway, so I might as well enjoy the bait, whether by hook or crook! 😀
Assuming of course, it’s only humans involved…
Actually, I have witnessed animal conspiracies. Raccoons are horrible that way. 🙂
My friend had an emu and echidna conspire with a kookaburra and he lost his freshly BBQ chop to it😁
I love this short story. It holds so much truth,
It was fun to write.
Okay, okay, I admit it. My muse did most of the work. She usually does.
Mine wants a raise. i told him I needed paid first.
😁
🙂
Very astute. Think for yourself? Why do that when there’s a good conspiracy to do it for you.
I always enjoy a good conspiracy, in fact so much, that I share them with the world. 🙂
Years ago, our illustrious ex-governor Jesse Ventura hosted a show called Conspiracy. One episode found him at a desk in the middle of a dark warehouse under the soft glare of a single 40 watt bulb, whispering……….to a camera crew who were broadcasting to the world.
I remember when Ventura was governor, but didn’t know about the show. What a character, very dramatic. Kinda have to laugh.
Ha ha ha! Sad but true.
Sad but fun
People do love a good conspiracy. It’s so much easier than taking actual responsibility.
I hate responsibility, especially the actual stuff.
And a murmuration of starlings just flew down the street. (I had to look it up). Love the ending. So possible among humans.
Good Gosh!! I was going to use the word murmuration, but thought, eke, no one will know what it means. Great word!! I had to look it up too.
Those swooping, swirling Starlings perform their act around here often during the year. It is a great word.