Drat!
I did it again.
I went to toss my dirty clothes into the washer – but found the door closed.
This could mean only one thing. Obviously, someone had forgotten to unload it, and whatever was in there had undoubtedly been marinating for countless hours.
So I dumped my clothes into the hamper and restarted the previous load.
No big deal.
But it was a big deal because this habit of loading the washer then forgetting to unload it is one of my many flaws. We all make mistakes but then there are the mistakes that we make with such astounding regularity that they come to define who we are.
But oh well..
I shrugged it off and went out to cut the lawn. Since we have a very large lawn, it was four hours before I returned to the house and…
Drat!
I did it again. I forgot about the wash.
A house rule mandates that clothes left soaking for over three hours must be rewashed. So I started the washer yet again.
It was humiliating.
Which brings me to the subject of humility. I am not sure why humility has to be so humiliating. I mean, why must the humble suffer humiliation? One would think that God and nature in all their perfect wisdom would prefer to loft the bitter arrows of humility toward the pretensions of the elite – rather than allow their fire to rain down those who aspire to nothing at all.
Like me.
Why, I ask, am I in need of repeated lessons in humility when all I want out of life is to be left alone to eek out my hum-drum existence in obscure peace?
Of all the mysteries of life, this is perhaps the greatest. At least for me.
Later that evening, my wife returned from doing whatever she was doing all day and shortly thereafter called me into the laundry room.
“How long have these clothes been in the washer?”
Drat!
To avoid admitting my faults, I fell back on misdirection.
“What clothes?”
“Your clothes.”
Then it struck me.
“Hey! My clothes are in the hamper. It must be your clothes in the washer. It is you who forgot to dry them. I guess I am not the only one who does that, huh? And I had to rewash them!”
She looked puzzled for about three seconds, then reached down and popped open the washer door. The washer was empty.
“How did that happen?” she asked.
Drat!
I suddenly realized how it had happened. I must have closed the door earlier in the day while rummaging around in the storage area alongside the washer then forgotten about it.
So I ran three cycles on an empty washer.
Now, THAT is humiliating.
But sharing the knowledge would be more so.
“I dunno,” I told her.
Almost Iowa 
I can get them washed. Get them dried the next day. Get to put it all away about four days later. You’re not alone.
lol, that’s me but with tea in the microwave
Yeah, and the bagel that gets reheated six times. You know what that does to texture?
This rings true with me. Doing laundry is not for sissies. It takes planning and attention to details, like– you know, actually doing the laundry.
Her: “I taped a set of instructions to the washer on how to use it.”
Me: “Oh, so that’s what that wad of paper and tape was that came out of the dryer…”
Ha! I thought it might have been empty since the laundry routine is much more haphazard at my house (we always have to look inside to see what’s up). I love the line, “all I want out of life is to be left alone to eek out my hum-drum existence in obscure peace.” Lol. Me too. Hope you’re having a great summer, Greg. Thanks for the laugh.
Having a great summer, hope you are too!!
Still doing the parent-care thing, Greg. Maybe next summer, though I have no regrets. 🙂
That is funny, and how it really is. 🙂
Thanks Jennie.
You’re welcome!
When you’ve run a few more loads through an empty washer and that vague sense of humiliation is creeping around — this ought to keep it at bay.
It is hard to be humble, though I do it better than almost anybody else. I am known far and wide for it. In fact, of all my virtues, humility is the one that truly stands out. 🙂 🙂 🙂
Down here in Texas, we have a thing called a humble brag. I believe you just pulled it off, in a most appropriate way!
You guys need a new rule. 😀 I let it slide if it’s not been overnight.
I’d go for that, but I am not the one who makes the rules.
That’s hysterical. Thanks for the laugh.
One thing is certain. The washer’s clean! There is no laundry sin grave enough to ban my husband from using the washer. He’s in good company with you!
Uh, then there was the time a tube of grease was left in someone’s pocket.
I laughed out loud when you wrote that the washing machine was actually empty! Welcome back, Greg. I’ve missed your posts!
It is good to be back…but I am headed for a canoe trip up into Northern Canada soon….
Great to hear from you again Greg. So who used the laundromat on your travels?
I get up first, usually about 5:00 am, so if we are staying at a camp with a laundry, the task falls to me.
Assume(ing)! – I think there is little ditty about that.
Not sure what that would be – but I would love to know it.
You take recycling to a whole new level, Greg.
I like to push the envelope. 🙂
LOLOL!!!!! Oh no! Hey at least the inside of the washer must be very clean now!
It is.
I told my wife to look on the bright side. She told me the bright side is fine, but so is looking in the washer.
LOL! That’s pretty witty!
I have just arrived on a visit to family, leaving my husband alone with the dishwasher and washing machine (also with the vacuum cleaner but I don’t think he’ll notice its existence). I wonder how many empty runs will take place while I’m not there to check. There again, if any non-empty runs take place I shall be suitably delighted.
The thing is, coming from a family of thirteen where every task from changing diapers to cleaning gutters was doled out with little respect for age or gender, you would think I would know how to use simple appliances….. but no.
Three cycles on an empty washer. You now are in the Guinness book of world records.
Neil Scheinin
In the past, I have gone as far as six. Or so I am told.
hahahah! Oh, I am so sorry but . . . hahahah! You did it unconsciously to get a good post out of it.
Most likely. 🙂
I guess you can guess I have been banned from the washer. I think the empty three-cycle method could work for you to suffer a similar fate.
I once tried the “abuse it to lose it” approach but that got me permanently assigned to the task.
Oh. Man, that would suck.
“One would think that God and nature in all their perfect wisdom would prefer to loft the bitter arrows of humility toward the pretensions of the elite – rather than allow their fire to rain down those who aspire to nothing at all.” 😀 ;-D
Remember, lessons of humility, lofted too often, with too much velocity, inevitable lead to denial…
How do I get to denial? Sounds like a worthy quest.
Such is the Holy Grail…head south, brave knight!
And note that it is NOT a river in Eqypt…
3 empty wash cycles? Are you trying to get yourself banned from the washing machine for life..?
YOU ARE aren’t you?
Clever man.
Naw, that don’t work, rather it goes like this:
Me: “I screwed up.”
Her: “There are three things you can do to correct that.”
Me: “What?”
Her: “Practice, practice, practice.”
Laughed out loud to this one!
Glad you liked it.
Oh the humanity! Like that?
Pretty much. 🙂
I think “God and nature in all their perfect wisdom” also have a sense of humor and enjoy a good laugh every now and then. They are careful not to pull this stuff on someone who might hurl themselves off a cliff.
Being in central Minnesota/Iowa, we are kinda short on cliffs.
I almost made mention of that, but I remember driving by a ski slope on my way from MSP to Ames. Iowa.
Buck Hill isn’t really a ski slope. It is just a step stool that someone lost in a pile of dirt. 🙂
🙂
Oh, I’ve really missed your weekly posts, and snickered and laughed through this one like usual. If you figure out the humility thing, please let the rest of us know. 🙂 Hope the summer is treating you well and you aren’t really spending too much time in the laundry room.
If I ever figure out the humility thing, I’d probably be too humble to talk about it – or too beaten down. 🙂
What fun!
We do have fun.