One day, as the most pampered princess in the entire world settled into her luxurious bed…
“Ouch!!” she cried.
Accustomed to such outbursts, her chambermaid simply cursed under her breath and went about her chores.
“I SAID OUCH!!”
“Oh for pity sake, what now?”
“Something in my bed bit me. I swear it did.”
“I suppose you want me to find out what it is?”
With a well practiced snort, the much put upon maid heaved aside the covers.
“I felt it UNDER the mattress,” wailed the princess.
And she was right, for there it was, tucked beneath a foot of soft cotton, a single sesame seed.
“OH MY GOD,” the princess cried, “How the hell did that get there?”
“Couldn’t say exactly,” replied the maid covering her morning bagel with a napkin.
The princess was beside herself, “This is the worst thing that ever happened to me, like ever.”
Again she was right. The princess had been so spoiled and so protected that finding something as tiny as a sesame seed wedged under her mattress was indeed the worst thing that happened to her, like ever.
“I need to tell the world about this,” she proclaimed.
“I’ve just the thing,” her maid confided.
The princess raised an inquiring eyebrow.
“Never heard of it.”
“You will love it. It’s the perfect place for self-absorbed people to show off.”
“Something like that would never work for me?”
“I am not people.”
“All the better,” her chambermaid explained, “that would make you an influencer.”
And so it was.
The princess informed the entire world about the sesame seed and how much it hurt and the entire world responded with rapt attention.
And why would it not?
For isn’t the drama of a pampered princess finding a sesame seed under her mattress the very thing to take one’s mind off the trivial worries of everyday life?
Within minutes, her followers exceeded a million.
“Oh dear,” the princess thought aloud, “now that the world is watching me, as well it should, what do we follow it with?”
“I have just the thing,” her maid confided, “another mattress.”
“Each day we will add a mattress to your bed and each day, if it is again the worst thing that ever happened to you, like ever, you get to tell a breathless world about it.”
“OH MY GOD, that is such a good idea.”
And so it was.
With each passing day, the world became more and more mesmerized.
People couldn’t get enough.
The second mattress brought two million followers to the herd.
The third mattress – three million…
And so forth….
Eventually, almost the entire world was fixated on the drama of a growing pile of mattresses that failed to protect the princess from the bite of a single sesame seed…
Until the princess felt…
Not a bite…
Not a pinch.
“Now what do we do?” wailed the princess.
“I’ve just the thing.”
A few moments later.
“OUCH!! Holy Moly, what was THAT?”
The maid confessed, “I slipped a pea under the pile.”
“OH MY GOD, it felt like a rock and hurt like hell. THAT was the worst thing that every happened to me, like ever. In fact it is the worst thing that every happened to…”
“Don’t say it,” warned the chambermaid.
“Now you did it.”
Her maid sighed. “It is the sound of utter disgust.”
PING!! PING!! PING!!
In less time than it took to describe it, not even the proverbial crickets were following the princess on TicToc.
“What happened?” cried the princess. “Why is no one paying attention to ME?”
“Honey,” the chambermaid told her, “people expect arrogance, self-absorption and cluelessness from their royals.”
“But you only get two out of three.”
Are you paying attention?
17 thoughts on “The Princess and the Pea : A Fractured Fable”
A perfect capture of the ridiculousness. Sheesh.
I should not like to be called an Influencer. It’d be too much of a burden for me to bear, also who the heck would I influence? Boomers are lost in FB and everyone else is on TikTok. I don’t enjoy either of those places plus bloggers don’t seem to need influencers to keep on writing.
During Covid lockdowns they removed all magazines from the doctor’s waiting rooms – so for months I had no idea what the Royals were doing. Thanks for the catch-up.
Good one, Greg. Only in America can you have self-absorption have a payoff of millions.
I got to get me some of that. 🙂
Just become self-absorbed.
You’re on a roll. I’m not on Tik Tok for sure, and I’ve always just guffawed at the title ‘influencer.’ It’s beyond my comprehension that a person would label themselves such, and that others would flock to follow what s/he was doing. I’m definitely in the minority because I could start typing people’s names that fall into this supposed category, but WordPress would tell me to stop. 🙂
By definition, an influencer is someone who is so self-absorbed that others are envious of it.
I certainly could name a lot of so called influencers from the various categories like entertainment, sports, politics, etc., but on the other hand I’m definitely not envious of them. 🙂 Keep writing, it makes us all think which is a good thing.
I loved this story, Greg. I’m old enough to be horrified by the few glimpses I’ve had of TicToc. What will happen when those poor people are forced into the real world and their bubbles pop? I’m also not up on the latest Meghan and Harry drama. Oh dear, I feel so out of touch. 🙂
My wife and I recently spent some time in England. Her mother’s side is from Cornwall and we did some wandering around graveyards there. We even found the farm that is still owned by her distant cousins.
Anyway, while she dug into her roots, I hit the tabloids. I can tell you ALL about Meghan, Harry and other royal conniptions. 🙂 🙂
Ha ha ha. The trip sounds like fun, but oh the tabloids… I’ll let you enjoy those yourself. 😀
From what little I have read, I don’t think they’re listening – good job!
Why listen when one is so busy influencing?
Clever verse and social commentary. I feel this way about most stars and media; mindless drivel to distract and entertain us.
To get oriented before my recent trip to London and Cornwall, I started reading The Daily Mail. You might detect the influence.
Ouch. I’m so sorry (not sure if that’s for the pea or the D… M…)
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