My Guilt Bouquet

Our grocery store has a flower shop near the registers.  It is a bright and colorful place and every once in a while before I check out, I like to pick up a surprise for my wife.

Today, they didn’t have my usual flowers – but nothing says spring like Daisies.

“Oh my,” she exclaimed when I brought them through the door, “a guilt bouquet.”

This is not what I expected so I had to think fast.  Was there something I should feel guilty about? A couple of candidates quickly came to mind but none that would rate a bouquet.

Playing for time, I put on my best hang-dog expression and meekly uttered a heart-felt, “Sorry.”

“For what?” she asked.

I figured I would begin by bidding low.

“Well…. I didn’t shave all last week and I know how you hate that.” She says my face feels like the bristle-end of a broom.

“And for that you bought me a guilt bouquet?” she wanted to know.

“Probably not,” I had to admit, “but I am also sorry I tossed your jeans into the dryer after you warned me not to. I guess I forgot.”

She fumed on that one for awhile.

“They were my favorite pair,” she said, “ but shrinking jeans earns you a trip to the department store, not the flower shop.”

I tried veering into dangerous territory – because salvation occasionally dwells there.

“Sorry I went bar hopping with Stan last week,” I said and I truly was, Stan mooched off me all night.  He claimed he forgot his wallet.

“And?”

“And I apologize for not calling to tell you about it beforehand.”

“You told me you texted me,” she said, “Was that a lie?”

Oh crap, I just stepped all over myself. This was going from bad to worse. I had to nip this guilt bouquet in the bud.

“Spare me the humiliation,” I said, “tell me what I should apologize for.”

She knew she had me but she also knew this was the end of the line and I was not going to offer any more confessions.

“Scrabble,” she said.

Oh crap, that was it!

Because of a blizzard she spent an entire workday at home. It started out well. She slept late and busied herself with quilting and pretty much let me do my thing until around mid-afternoon when she got bored.

That is when she pleaded with me to play Scrabble.

I hate Scrabble.

She knows I hate Scrabble

But she also knows that I play Scrabble with her because it makes her happy, so I promised to do it – then quickly scurried out to the shed to hide.

THAT rated a bouquet.

“I am sorry,” I told her and I truly was but then I said, “to be honest, I just picked up Daisies to surprise you with something nice and forgot all about making an apology.”

“I knew that,” she said, “when you are guilty, you bring roses.”

I do – but the store was plumb out of roses.

I guess a lot of guys had been hiding in their sheds last week.

Author: Almost Iowa

www.almostiowa.com

48 thoughts on “My Guilt Bouquet”

  1. You should have told her that you saw the daisies and remembered the e e cummings quote: “i thank heaven someone is crazy enough to give me a daisy.” Then told her that you were that crazy.

  2. Okay, this post is going directly to the hubby because he NEVER EVER brings flowers no matter what he does to annoy me. Your wife is lucky because even if she is irritated about one thing, she gets several days of enjoyment out of the flowers. Smart man. 🙂

  3. Oooh, I’ve never brought guilt flowers home. Sometimes for Mother’s Day, usually for Valentines Day, and often just for the heck of it. But flowers are good for another purpose as well, but not to be mentioned on this G rated blog. 🙂 –Curt

  4. My husband used to bring me some of those bouquets! But we got sick of the cats eating them and then throwing up. No matter where we put them… they find a way….

  5. I used to have access to a garden with lots of flowers and would take a bunch to a friend when I’d visit. Her partner complained he didn’t get any, so next time I carefully put together a posy of dead blooms for him.
    It became an on going joke between us.

      1. Didn’t read those books. I’m a nice girl:-)
        He knows I still love him. And that if he doesn’t treat his partner well, I’ll deal with him……

  6. I can see where your wife was coming from. I have the same issue with my husband – only he won’t even promise to play scrabble with me. He makes up a flimsy excuse about me always winning and lording it over him. And he insisted we build a shed last fall, which I anticipate he’ll be spending a lot of time in this summer. I’m going to demand a bouquet of roses right now! Give your wife a high five for me, okay?

  7. Oh, yes, the grocery store bouquets. I get them, too, occasionally and always appreciate them. My husband gives them to me when my spirits need lifting, when I’ve been dealing with something difficult and such. Never guilt bouquets.

    I would gladly play Scrabble with your wife because I love Scrabble. The husband? Nope.

    1. Seriously, I am waiting for Hyvee to start selling Gladiolus. I love bringing them home (nothing to do with guilt, mind you) and what is it with these country girls and Scrabble?

  8. Some time back, there was some apparently famous sports dude who gave his wife a huge ring for some reason. I heard it referred to as a “guilt ring,” and had no idea what the phrase meant. At the time, I wasn’t interested enough to look it up, but now? All has been made clear.

  9. I remember my wife asking, “How come you never bring me flowers when you travel like Sally’s husband?” “Because I never do anything wrong when I’m out of town,” was my reply. That ended that. Super post, Greg.

    1. “How come you never bring me flowers when you travel like Sally’s husband?”

      [dives for cover]

      “Because I never do anything wrong when I’m out of town,” was my reply

      [timidly peeking out from under couch]

      Is it safe to come out?

    1. I would like to write a novel one day but that is more like running a marathon, these posts are more like running around the block. I see them more as practice and training.

  10. Hahahah!! I didn’t know sheds were so multi-functional!

    But now I’m in a tither. Hubby NEVER brings me flowers. WTH? So, does that mean I’ve never noticed his halo and wings? Or is it because he’s determined to never admit that he should fess up?

    Your bride is one sharp lady!
    🔹Ginger 🔹

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