Do I Love Her More Than Cherries?

“You had yours,” she said, “so stay away from mine.”

She was talking about cherries.

We had bought a bag of tart cherries at The Big Box Store and I had already wolfed down my half.

Then I ate half of what remained.

That is when my wife put her foot down – resulting in a bowl of cherries being left on the counter all week.

“Don’t even think about eating them,” she told me.

How could I not?

Every time I passed by, I was forced to wrestled with my conscience and all too many times my conscience lost and I filched a few. Now the few were adding up to a noticeable dent.

She said she was letting them ripen – but I don’t believe her. Granted the cherries were tart when we bought them but I know my wife and I suspect deeper motives.

She was testing me.

Love is never a constant. It ebbs and it flows and from time to time one is compelled to take its measure. But this test was unfair. I love her a lot – but do I love her more than cherries? This I do not even know.

Some things we share.

Wine is always poured into two equal glasses.

Pie is divided by one and served by the other.

At the cash register whenever I buy a candy bar, I will always buy two. One for me, one for her.

Some things we refuse to share.

I eat faster than she does. I can’t help it. I grew up in a family with eleven children where grab and gobble was a matter of survival. So when she is not feeling generous, she knows to either buy things that I do not like (peanut butter M&M’s) or hide them.

She once admitted to hiding Girl Scout Thin Mints in a Kotex box.

Which brings us back to cherries.

This time she did not hide them. Instead she left them on the counter, alone with me for a week while she went off to work.

So do I love her more than cherries? And what is love if it has never been put to the test?

Some questions should never be asked and never be answered, so I returned to the Big Box Store, bought a bag of cherries and set them in a bowl next to hers on the counter.

“Those are mine,” I told her when she got home, “don’t even think about touching them.”

Author: Almost Iowa

www.almostiowa.com

58 thoughts on “Do I Love Her More Than Cherries?”

  1. This is hilarious… I do SO relate and have often declared something “not to be touched” to my husband who can eat more and quicker than I can on any given day. However, when it comes to cherries, oh how I love cherries, I can keep up with the best of em. And so yes, the perfect solution BUY more. But I like your style!!!

    I grew up in a household where my mother bought chocolates and then hid them, usually in her underwear drawer. Which is the only possible explanation that four teenagers were often found rumbling around their mothers bras and panties in the search of the elusive kit kat.

    Peta

  2. One cuts, the other chooses, could solve a lot of problems in this world. I had to come all the way to Texas to learn that one. Now, if I just could find a hiding place good enough that I can’t find what I’ve hidden.

    1. Texans are a wonderful, generous and courteous people. They have to be.

      As for hiding things from ourselves, there comes a tipping point where that occurs naturally – with just about everything.

  3. Blame the ants. They ate a whole bowl of cherries, leaving the surface untouched, so all was well until someone foolishly touched… and the puddle dissolved, then started wriggling away. Yuk!

  4. First of all, please thank you wife for the idea of hiding food from my husband in a Kotex box! That’s pure genius. But as for sharing food, I like to think that’s not really a test of whether or not we love our spouses. Sometimes the food is just too darn tempting to resist, like the time I ate my husband’s baked potato because he didn’t wake up from his nap soon enough. In my defense, whenever we cut open a watermelon, my husband helps himself to the “heart (the center part where it’s the sweetest) so fast it makes my head spin!

    1. Eating a man’s baked potato is crossing the red line of death. My advice is to always keep a watermelon handy just in case temptation gets the better of you. 🙂

        1. Here is how that would go down in our house:

          “You ate my potato!”
          “No, I didn’t.”
          “Who did?”
          “Scooter.”
          “How did Scooter unwrap the foil and deposit it in the recycling.”
          “Oh, I helped him with that. He asked real nice.”

  5. “Whoa” on the transition from Kotex to cherries. Got a snort from this end of the blogging exchange!
    My hubby is learning – the hard way, after several shaming snarls that one doesn’t absently snarf down the entire container of snacks that were meant to see BOTH of us through the trip – especially not without asking if his darling wife would like some more.
    I, on the other hand, NEVER compare the volume of the soft-serve ice cream in the left-hand cone to the one in the right.

    1. “Whoa” on the transition from Kotex to cherries.

      Yikes, now that you mention it.

      Only “several” shaming snarls? He is a fast learner. My wife is still working on that one (as you can see).

  6. Peggy is beyond the Kotex box stage, and if you heard a loud Yahoo! that was probably her. Still, it’s a nefarious ploy if ever there was one. We do a pretty good job of sharing. Still, I got in trouble the other day for eating more than mine. Don’t even remember what it was, but I got the look worth a thousand words. Great story! –Curt

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