A Muse on Zoom

My muse was late yet again.

We agreed to meet at 7:00 am, but the clock blew past that three hours ago.

“Where is she?” I grumbled.

Right here.”



“Where is here?”

“Didn’t you get the memo? I am doing all my work from home and don’t even bother asking where home is, you wouldn’t understand.”

Her faint voice emanated faintly from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Had my muse discovered the ethereal version of Zoom?


With her volatile moods, constant personal issues and tendency to arrive late, she has always been hard to work with, but our greatest difficulty has been her outright refusal… (sigh)….to muse.

“So how is this supposed to go?” I wondered aloud.

“I pitch ideas and you go with what works.”

“Okay then.”

Your buddy Stan calls from jail.”

“That is not an idea, more like a typical Sunday morning at 3:00 am.”

Yeah, but he doesn’t know which jail he is in.”

“Very Stan-like, but I am not seeing the story.”

Not my problem. That is for you to work out. From now on, I am just an idea-muse.”

Which made one wonder, why have a muse at all?

“Here is another idea. Ready?”


Write about your foibles. Tell the world about your bad habits, impetuous mistakes and general foolishness – then reveal how your wife always comes to the rescue, saving you from yourself.”

“I have a better idea, why not write about her bad habits, mistakes and foolishness?”

Won’t work.”

“Why not?”

“Writing about your failings always works. It gives the reader a sense of well-being, because at least their shortcomings are not as bad as yours.”

“Why wouldn’t it work to write about her failings?”

That would be complaining.”

“This isn’t working.”


“This whole muse from the cloud thing.”

“Why not?”

“Because anyone can pitch an idea, especially a bad idea. The simple truth is most ideas are bad ideas, but even a great idea requires inspiration. It takes a lot of help to get a word just right or make a dialogue leap to life… and that is the job of a muse.”

Not anymore.”

“Wait a minute, is this about perks?”

“Now you are catching on. Pitch me an idea.”

You see, every muse has their weakness.

For some it is music, for others a quiet place or something as simple as the feel of fingertips on a keyboard – but every muse has a trigger that makes the words flow, it is just something you have to learn over time.

So I tell her…

“My diet is on a holiday pause and there is a fresh pail of chocolate-chip ice cream in the garage freezer.”

“I’ll be right over.”

“So what are we going to write about?”

“Me, of course. Do you have any other ideas?”

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