Finders Keepers

270482090772“Before you leave…” she said.

It is always something.

My wife has a problem with doors. Most people walk through them. She bounces off them. Even open doors.

We will be running late for church when..

boing..

She discovers she doesn’t like her shoes.

A few minutes later, boing again.

She stops to ponder, “Did I leave the curling iron on? I better check.”

Goring out of town for the weekend sends her ricocheting off the exits.  Were any lights left on?  Do the cats have extra water?  Oh my gosh, did we pay the utility bill?

At one time, this bouncing off things bothered me but not anymore.  I have grown to accustomed to her obsession with last minute delays.  It is just one of the many thistles that sprout up in the garden of every relationships – but I will never get used to her doing it to me.

I prefer to pass through doors unmolested.

On this day, I had returned home from my long walk with enough time to shower, get dressed and taken care of a few things – but at the very instant I put my hand on the door knob to leave, she nailed me.

“I’m supposed to meet Stan at The Pit,” I explained, “and I am late.”

“Is being late to a bar a real thing?” she asked.

Opinions vary, but there was no use in arguing.

“What do you want?”

“Help me move my dresser, I think my earring rolled under it.”

That sounded reasonable – but I remained wary.  She was in the middle of a cleaning binge in the bedroom, a project I did not want to get sucked into it.  Still, given the traditional division of household labor, moving heavy dressers is still considered guy’s work.

Oomph!

“Oh gross, would you look at that dust!” she exclaimed as she rushed off to grab a dust mop.

It was pretty dusty under there and of course there were all kind of treasures like: socks, combs and scraps of paper and…

Ooooooo… a ten dollar bill laying in the dust.

She caught me as I pocketed it.

“Hey, that’s my money,” she said, “It was under my dresser.”

“Finders keepers,” I told her.

She shook her head no.

“I am supposed to be at The Pit,” I reminded her, “and instead I am moving furniture for you. That’s my fee – or you can move it back yourself.”

She reluctantly agreed – but only under the condition that I move the other dresser because it was probably gross under there too.

Which I did, and as I did…

Ooooooo… a twenty!

I pocketed that too.

This was getting better and better, so I had no trouble agreeing to move the bed.  Sadly, there was no cash under there, but we did find her earring.

When all the dust was mopped up and the furniture back in place, we agreed I could go. On my way out the door, I stopped to shift the bills from my pocket to my wallet.

What?

I thought I had thirty bucks in there, a ten and a twenty but my wallet was empty.

She didn’t!

She did.

“Hey!!” I yelled back at her.  She knew what I was yelling about.

“Finders keepers,” she said.

I wanted to explain that is not how it works but I had a door to get through.

Author: Almost Iowa

www.almostiowa.com

31 thoughts on “Finders Keepers”

  1. Could your wife be related to my husband? He always thinks of something at the last minute so that I have to wait for him. He forgot his insulin pill, he almost forgot his mom wanted a plastic dish back, and it goes on and on.

  2. Ha! I suppose it all depends on exactly where you “find” something. And I’m going to remember that for future reference. My husband leaves his wallet on the dresser every night….

  3. “Is being late to a bar a real thing?”

    1/4 of my weekly blog post count on that being a thing. If I’m late, my buddy gives me crap.

    1. “Someday My Day Will Come” – George Jones

      Someday my day will come and I won’t need a thing at all
      Yes I can stand proud and tall and say just what I feel
      Someday my day will come when dreams become reality
      I’ll be the one I want to be someday my day will come

      It’s a tiring path we travel through
      For each step I take Lord I’m set back two
      We all have roles in life to play
      And I’ll play a great one someday

      Someday my day will come I’ll hold true love right in my hand
      I’ll touch the pretty rainbow’s end and my cup will overflow
      Someday my day will come I’ll watch my ship as it comes in
      My castles won’t be made of sand someday my day will come
      I’ll hold true love right in my hand someday my day will come

  4. Crafty woman. I’d like to say my wife has the same problem with doors, but I have to admit I sometimes do as well. Just today…

  5. HAhahahaha!! I mean out loud for real! Oh she’s a clever one indeed.

    In our house, I am always the one waiting for him to get it together. The thing about the door is backwards, though. You’re supposed to forget things when you walk through them, not remember things!

    1. HER: Oh My God, we are early! (if that is the worst thing on earth).
      ME: It is 1:00 pm and the invitation says 1:00 pm.
      HER: But no one will show up until 1:30!
      And of course, she is right.

  6. a fellow blogger who is a psychologist once told me that they call this ‘doorknob confessions or revelations.’ the moment one actually goes to leave and they have a clear insight or speak the truth

  7. You have a crafty one there. I wonder if one could use this tactic to, say… get some laundry done.

  8. There is a sweet spot in our driveway that beams down insights to me as I pass through it. Insights like, I forgot my sunglasses, or I left the refrigerator door open. The heavy sigh that erupts from my husband, threatens to suck the oxygen out of the car, but since he believes ‘on time’ is 15 minutes early, I’ve never understood what the big deal is about going back to take care of theses essential items. Perhaps I need to ‘lose’ 20 dollar bills and ask him to go in for my forgotten items. He’ll be happy for a few minutes – until I raid his wallet.

    1. but since he believes ‘on time’ is 15 minutes early

      At our house being early means arriving at the appointed hour, on-time is fifteen minutes later. To combat this, I set our clocks fifteen minutes ahead. I wrote about that here.

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