Whenever we argue, my wife likes to open with: “Do I have to repeat myself?”
I usually tell her yes. It is how I find out what we are arguing about.
When I do that, she says, “I’ve told you a thousand times.” Thus opening a thousand possibilities.
It is then I remind her (for the thousandth time) that a thousand miscommunications do not make a point: only government works like that.
“Tell me again,” I say.
This is when she will bring up an age old conflict. Something we have been around and around about forever. It could be something as simple as failing to load the dryer or it could be something as complex as having loaded the dryer while failing to remove an item of her clothing that shrinks in the heat.
It is always something. But it is always something that will never be resolved because decades of repetition have failed to change me.
You would think she would catch on – but she never does. Maybe it is proof that she loves me – because she never gives up hope that I will change. It is what lies on the other side of hope that allows people to see sunshine through the rain. We always hope that things will get better and things usually do get better – but rarely in the ways we hope for.
We just have to be flexible.
I will never remember to separate the wash because I can never figure out what shrinks and what doesn’t. It is all a complete mystery to me and even if it wasn’t, something of hers would inevitably hide in one of my shirtsleeves and I would never find it – but she would.
So there we are in the laundry and there she is saying, “Do I have to repeat myself?”
“I am sorry if I ran something of yours through the dryer,” I tell her.
“I checked,” she says, “and you didn’t.”
“Then I am completely confused.”
She shakes her head in disgust. “You loaded the dryer yesterday but you forgot to turn it on. Our clothes have been marinating all night and now I have to rewash the load.”
“Oh.”
“We’ve talked about that.”
“I know,” I say, “at least a thousand times.”
Almost Iowa 
Is there always one who has to be told a thousand times. My husband never gets tired of telling me a thousand times.
I haven’t been counting but I know around here, it is got to be well over a thousand.
Ah, the difference between men and women. Long may they live. sd
Viva la difference! 🙂
Sam just leaves his clothes on the floor or in the hamper if it’s there. I do the rest. No arguments….just me doing the laundry, shopping, dishes, cooking, most of the clean up, and serving. The exception is that he makes fabulous bread and pizzas, opens sticky jars, and sometimes helps me with tech problems…oh yes, one more thing. He is the main financial support. But I do complain anyway.
I am the main financial support around here too – but that doesn’t mean I get out of doing the laundry, shopping, dishes, cooking, cleaning up and serving. In return I get to order pizzas and complain. 🙂
I sometimes think the two staples of a happy marriage are hoping for change and forgiving when change does not happen!
It is also forgiving when change happens. 🙂
I learned decades ago: If you want something done YOUR way, do it yourself. Or get divorced.
While I agree, my wife accuses me of trying to make it true.
I never, ever, never, ever, am able to remember to take out my wife’s shrinkable clothes before I load the dryer. It’s like I have a tumor that prevents me from wanting my wife to wear clothes that fit. This post was meant for me.
Rest easy, it is not a tumor. It’s in the chromosomes. 🙂
Thank you.
Do you hear that stupid brain? I don’t have a tumor. It’s because of penis.
we have this SAME argument… stop putting my shirts and pants in the dryer. They shrink and then they no longer fit me. I’ve gained weight and nothing fits as it is… STOP. Hang it up if in doubt.
He has now (twice) forgotten to push the button to activate said dryer. Just yesterday! Check the dryer for your shorts, kids. Mom- they are all wet. What?
Both of us are guilty leaving wet, finished load in washer..but that’s easy, flip the switch for another go…We’ve even done the forgetting to put down the lid to initiate the agitator and clothes SOAK all night in a full washer… that’s okay, sure there was a stain somewhere.
Sandi
And here I thought that I invented that trick. 🙂
It’s a good one
Man, it is like you live at my house. I don’t do laundry anymore (Check that. I’m not allowed any were near the laundry anymore.) I think it was the pink towels that got me kicked off the detail. (They used to be white). I think you will understand when I say, “I miss the laundry.”
There are so many place in my house that are off limits to me too. Her bathroom is #1 on that list. It is surrounded by barbed wire and claymore mines. There are so many rules and restrictions. It makes me want to rebel: maybe I will walk on the counter with the cats.
I love this response almost as much as the post.
Take off your shoes first.
I like the advice column idea . . . you could be on to something big there!
You mean it’s a bad idea to forget to run the dryer? Fortunately my better half thinks it runs by magic, so at least nobody complains. Well, until much later when he might say his shirt has a funny smell. “Put it down the chute,” I suggest, and he knows that bit has to be done by hand, not by magic.
I think there is a disturbance in the force. All kinds of magical things ceased to occur. There used to be donuts at work. Now that I am retired, no more donuts. It worries me. I don’t know where this is headed.
I’m not sure I can imagine no more donuts. What’s happened to the holes?
Knowledge and will: the eternal connundrum. Of course I know that I should dry the clothes when they finish washing, and not leave them marinating overnight (such a lovely concept), but the good that I will, and all that.
Truth to tell, even if it was a million times, the same conversation probably would be taking place.
Some see human will in terms of discipline and resolve, I see it in terms of tomorrow: that way, I can say I always will do better.
Have you ever considered writing an advice column or pursuing a second career as a marriage counselor? In all seriousness, you are one gifted writer for the way you use humor to make a point. And many points are made in this piece.
Hey thanks, Audrey. I considered what you mentioned and it went something like this:
ME: “What do you think about me writing an advice column on the topic of marriage?”
HER: “When you learn to separate the laundry, we will talk about it.”
Alright then.
Hmmm, couldn’t she just toss in another dryer sheet and start the thing now? I guess I might have tried that, you know, to bake in the slight sent of mildew. Show her this comment and point out that you could be worse. I love these posts.
I tried that. All I got was, “Do I have to repeat myself?”