You Are Home!

telefono-heraldo-negroRing! Ring!


“You are home!”

It was my old buddy Stan.

“Uh, Stan…”


“Everyone is.”

Most everyone that is. Due to the Covid-19 pandemic, much of the country is under stay-at-home orders and some are handling it better than others. I knew Stan would be okay for a while, but a while ended over a week ago.

“I don’t know who I am anymore,” he whined.

Conversations with Stan often go like this.  You have to give him time before he makes sense – and then he often makes rather profound sense.

“Remember what the cops used to say about people? Who you are depends on where you are and who you are with?”

“Yes, I do.”

The guy leaning against the bar on Saturday night is not the same guy nodding in church the next morning. People tend to blend into their environment. One’s behavior and even personality often changes radically depending on where they are and who they are with.”

“How about the guy stuck home with his wife?”

“Are you and Daphne getting on each other’s nerves?”

“No kidding. She is driving me nuts.”

“How so?”

“She wants to use this time to get to know each other better.”


“What do I do?”

“Just be yourself.”

“Dude, you are not listening. How can I be myself if I don’t know who stay-at-home Stan is?”

“You will have to ask yourself that.”

“I am asking you.”


“Think about it. I got to go.”

A few minutes later.

Ring! Ring!

“Hi Daphne?”

“You are home!”

“What can I do for you?”

“You need to tell Stan who he is?”

“Look Daphne, a lot of people are feeling lost these days. Stan is not used to being home. He is used to being out and about, working hard and drinking at The Pit. That is who he is. I’ll guess it is true with you too. You have your friends and hobbies and you have grown accustom to the way things normally are, but everything has changed. You see, people are who they are depending on where they and who…”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn’t know who he is anymore… blah, blah, blah.”


“So if he doesn’t know and I don’t know and you don’t know, what are you going to tell him?”

“I don’t know.”

“How about you make something up?”

“Oh, I see where this is going. Do you have any ideas that might help?”

“I thought you would never ask.”

(a sheet of paper rattles on her end of the line)

“Let’s review my notes.”

Author: Almost Iowa

44 thoughts on “You Are Home!”

  1. It’s probably a good thing my wife and I had a few years of retirement to practice up for all this stuck at home time. The who and where are well established. But I suspect this constant joined at the hip routine has come as an eye-opener for some.

  2. Great story. I can see it happening all over the world. I have an advantage. I can stay in my jammies all day and no one will complain. My daughter and a friend check on me a couple times a week. Also, I walk (with mask) and enjoy the gorgeous spring flowers. From my house there are several different paths to take, so the walk never gets boring.

  3. That’s us wives – we’re always keeping notes 🙂 Luckily my husband and I are balancing well so far, but I’m starting my notes now for when the balance tips 🙂

  4. Quick call the National Guard we need a whole flock of wanna be Daphnes to praise a whole lot of Stans for becoming stay at home Stans. And coincidentally stay alive Stans. Then again there is that never to be famous tee shirt. You know the one that says “I am a statistic in the great covid-19 epidemic”

  5. Talk about taking advantage of an opportunity! The problem is, we’d all like to tell others who they are. Rediscovering or reinventing ourselves, not so much. So, recognizing that truth, I think I’ll start on my own list…..for my husband. Great post as usual, Greg!

    1. we’d all like to tell others who they are

      I remember my favorite sergeant telling a mother who was royally reaming him out for arresting her kid for vandalism. “Hey, don’t worry,” he told her, “the arc of a kid’s life is: brat, thug, paragon of virtue.”

      I know the kid. He was right. Damned nice guy these days.

    1. Clever! 🙂

      I would imagine that our PostScript will go something like this:

      “Back during the great China-virus lockdown…”

      “Please Grandpa, not again.”

  6. Give some thought to those who are going through this literally alone. It’s one thing for couples or families, and quite another for single people whose human contact usually is work, lunch with friends at restaurants, and so on. I have no trouble being alone, but when every means of socialization is cut off — church, the occasional movie or concert, the hour with a friend at a coffee shop — you’ve got a different critter on your hands. And don’t tell me that video calls are the same, because they’re not.

  7. Balancing act? Of course, it’s a circus out there with clowns cracking the whip.

  8. I like to socialize, but truly have no problem being alone. To be honest… having the other half here 24/7 is driving me a bit bonkers. Everyone says it’s practice for retirement to which I can now honestly say…. I’m not ready!

    1. I hear The Pit will be reopening online soon. We will be able to get into fights from the safety of our own man-cave. Think of the possibilities.

    1. It always amazes me how some people cannot bear to be alone. It literally frightens them. Then you have those who are happiest sailing around the world by themselves.

      Along that lines, think of all the community groups that are falling by the wayside: Masons, Eagles, Lions, American Legion and VFW. Nowdays, we get our social fix looking at people on the TV.

    1. Sadly, domestic violence calls are way up. Keep in mind that DV is not just spouses going at each other. It’s siblings, parents and kids and a close cousin of DV… neighbors.

  9. Sounds like you’ve been invited to be the rope in a tug of war. Good luck. There are lots of layers to navigate in this strange new world. Amazing how much a little disruption of routine upsets the balancing act we had perfected.

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