My muse was late yet again.
We agreed to meet at 7:00 am, but the clock blew past that three hours ago.
“Where is she?” I grumbled.
“Right here.”
“Where?”
“Here.”
“Where is here?”
“Didn’t you get the memo? I am doing all my work from home and don’t even bother asking where home is, you wouldn’t understand.”
Her faint voice emanated faintly from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Had my muse discovered the ethereal version of Zoom?
Apparently.
With her volatile moods, constant personal issues and tendency to arrive late, she has always been hard to work with, but our greatest difficulty has been her outright refusal… (sigh)….to muse.
“So how is this supposed to go?” I wondered aloud.
“I pitch ideas and you go with what works.”
“Okay then.”
“Your buddy Stan calls from jail.”
“That is not an idea, more like a typical Sunday morning at 3:00 am.”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t know which jail he is in.”
“Very Stan-like, but I am not seeing the story.”
“Not my problem. That is for you to work out. From now on, I am just an idea-muse.”
Which made one wonder, why have a muse at all?
“Here is another idea. Ready?”
“Sure.”
“Write about your foibles. Tell the world about your bad habits, impetuous mistakes and general foolishness – then reveal how your wife always comes to the rescue, saving you from yourself.”
“I have a better idea, why not write about her bad habits, mistakes and foolishness?”
“Won’t work.”
“Why not?”
“Writing about your failings always works. It gives the reader a sense of well-being, because at least their shortcomings are not as bad as yours.”
“Why wouldn’t it work to write about her failings?”
“That would be complaining.”
“This isn’t working.”
“What?”
“This whole muse from the cloud thing.”
“Why not?”
“Because anyone can pitch an idea, especially a bad idea. The simple truth is most ideas are bad ideas, but even a great idea requires inspiration. It takes a lot of help to get a word just right or make a dialogue leap to life… and that is the job of a muse.”
“Not anymore.”
“Wait a minute, is this about perks?”
“Now you are catching on. Pitch me an idea.”
You see, every muse has their weakness.
For some it is music, for others a quiet place or something as simple as the feel of fingertips on a keyboard – but every muse has a trigger that makes the words flow, it is just something you have to learn over time.
So I tell her…
“My diet is on a holiday pause and there is a fresh pail of chocolate-chip ice cream in the garage freezer.”
“I’ll be right over.”
“So what are we going to write about?”
“Me, of course. Do you have any other ideas?”
Almost Iowa 
Oh loving this. “The simple truth is most ideas are bad ideas…” I agree wholeheartedly, yet you gotta start somewhere. I wish my muse was as articulate as yours.
Diana Peach encouraged us to write a conversation with our muse a while ago, and I swear I’ve read about enticing one with ice cream. Was it you?
It was.
Oh good. I was worried about early senility.
I loved reading it, by the way. You both inspired me to write my own …who ended up being a blurry drunk.
Isn’t there some sort of muse temp service for times like this?
That sounds like a great idea for a post. Thanks!
Proof positive that you can’t write well if your muse isn’t happy….and clearly, ice cream makes her happy!
It does, but it makes me fat.
Thank you! Now, I get it – I need to buy a pail of ice cream. 🙂
Save the pail, they come in handy around the garden.
I think you have found the secret to inspiration. Eat more.
I’m delighted to see your muse back in action. Maybe you two will inspire some creative ideas for me. My muse has been MIA for a long time. I better stock up on ice cream!
I know what it is like to have an MIA muse. She was gone for more than a year.
I’m glad she’s back tormenting you and bringing the humor.
Your muse has always had a weak spot for ice cream, Greg. It’s a surefire way to get her over for a face-to-face musing. It worked again. Happy Writing!
Notice how my diet’s holiday pause has coincided with a surge in output?
Ha ha ha ha. That must be it. 😀
If ice cream be the muse of life, scoop on!
The problem with inspirational ice cream is that you wind up wearing it for most of the winter and spring.
A self serving muse is a beautiful thing…
It would be nice (and more economical) if she brought her own ice cream.
I think you have just discovered a muse zing… almost as bad as an early morning call from Stan.
I don’t know who is worse, her or Stan.
Ha ha ha! Your muse is perky!
Only after she fetches the pail of ice cream.
Aha, it’s about perks??? What fun!
I think she has been taking in the news of the perks out there in Silicone Valley.