As many of you know, my muse and I broke up last year.
I cast no blame, the fault was just as much mine as hers.
She wanted more from me, or perhaps she wanted more than me, but either way the result was the same: harsh words, flashes of anger and disappointment.
The usual stuff.
Don’t get me wrong, she was a good muse – and she promised to make me a great writer – but as good as some people are, they are just no good for each other.
I reminded her that I never aspired to greatness. She reminded me that I never aspired to anything.
We were both wasting each other’s time.
It was not an easy break. She fooled around and I goofed off. We split up, came back together, split up again and finally she stomped out of my writing room and snatched away with the only thing that was dear to both of us.
The pail of chocolate-chip ice cream that I keep hidden in the garage freezer from my diet.
Eventually family and friends urged me to move on – but that is always much harder than it seems and along came COVID, making it impossible to get out and about to meet anyone new, much less a muse.
But in the spirit of everything moving online, I subscribed to a trendy speed dating site called: My Muse and Me.
I had prepared myself for the inevitable slew of rejections, but there was no way one could possibly anticipated the chaff of useless encounters.
Here is a short transcript from the site log.
Muse: What’s your genre?
Me: Sorry, I haven’t dated since the 60’s and astrological signs were all the rage back then.
Muse: Let’s take a look at your hashtags.
Me: Well, hello to you.
Muse: #writer, #blogger, #humor. Seriously? Not one of those keywords are trending on any SEO platform.
Me: But it is who I am.
Muse: Are you published?
Muse: r u hot?
And on and on and on. I never knew there was such a wide variety of muses. By sheer will power I managed to put in the hours necessary to harvest a few possibilities – but alas, I suppose it was the way I came across.
The result was always the same.
Muse: What are you looking for in a muse?
Me: Someone to have fun with.
Muse: (a little wary) Like how so?
Me: I dunno, just someone who likes to share silly stories.
Muse: and what would you expect from me?
Me: Not much, a bit of feedback and maybe a few clever lines.
Muse: Interesting… What do you have to offer?
Me: A pail of ice cream.
Muse: What flavor?
She has yet to hang up.
Perhaps she could be the one.
Note: D. Wallace Peach (a fabulous writer and wonderful person) has challenged us to write about our muses. See Meet the Muse (prompt)
Muses have become an ongoing theme both here and at Diane’s Myths in the Mirror.
For the full story (at least from my side) of the contentious relationship between my muse and me, see:
Breaking Up is Hard to Do, Especially With a Muse
74 thoughts on “Speed Dating With a Muse”
Have you considered shifting over to full-fledged chocolate ice cream? I don’t mean to be a snob here, but I do think chocolate chip is a half measure.
I just laughed at the part: *click* #burn
So funny yet relatable
Fantastic writing ~ makes me think, that you two are secretly seeing each other on the side 🙂
It is a challenge. I hope you find what you are looking for.
LOL. I didn’t know you could break up with your muse. I thought they pestered you from the day you were born. Good to know. I’ll keep that on mind.
Very entertaining. I like that your response to the “are you hot?” question by your muse, was a “click.” Good for you! That was hilarious.
I miss the Plain Old Telephone System (POTS) black desk phones. Whenever you got a telemarketing call, you could slam the headset onto the cradle with all the force of a pistol shot.
Ooooh, how I miss that. 🙂
Good to read you again and have a laugh! Could I borrow your new muse for a while?
Sure, she will be free tonight. Sunday is our Masterpiece Theatre watching night. 🙂
Well, looks like you can’t keep her away
She has been away for several months as you can see by my lack of posts – but let’s see what the winter brings.
LOVE IT! 🙂
Hi, I wish you luck in your quest. I succumbed to the lovely Diana’s request for Muse pieces. I’ve had a few, and this morning at 4.30 am a Joan Rivers lookalike arrived. I admit she has helped me in the past, but I discovered she’s been moonlighting and ‘served ‘ not two but twenty others in contradiction of the Muse Assn’s Constitution. How can a writer survive when faced with such a quantity of talent? As she can be both capricious and vindictive, I’ve warned said writers…(The fact she can also metamorphosize doesn’t help..).Hey hol
Oh, I have experienced that…
Muse: Wow! That’s some fabulous writing!
Me: You think so.
Muse: It’s witty, yet profound, hard-hitting but sensitive.
Muse: Sure, click “Publish”
Me: I thought I’d polish it a bit.
Muse: Naw, just go ahead and hit the button.
Me: But it is just an incoherent first draft.
Muse: It’s brilliant… Send it off to the world.
Me: ….Uh, you are mad at me aren’t you?
Muse: How did you guess?
Wow! This is the best fun post I’ve read recently. Speed dating a muse… so innovative! Thanks for the smiles.
I do have fun with my muses.
Hmm, so the muse responds well to chocolate chip ice cream? I’ll have to keep that in mind.
Mint chocolate-chip works well too, but I save that for the real inspiring stuff. 🙂
😀 😀 The only problem here is that I think you stole my muse!
Finders keepers!!! 🙂
It’s okay. I’ve moved into pistachio ice cream.
Nice to meet you Greg. I am visiting from Lovely Diana’s site. Oh, wow, “it isn’t you, it’s me” breakup. We have all had relationships like this. Speed dating site is exceptionally funny and witty take. “…suppose it was the way I came across..” hmmmmm…….you had me at ice cream. 🙂 Erica
After years of “It’s you, not me” relationships, I see this as progress.
Reblogged this on Myths of the Mirror and commented:
Greg’s stories always crack me up and this one is no exception. Enjoy!
My new muse is taking a deep bow.
Ha! Now let’s see what she can do to get you writing!
It looks like you’ve found a keeper. Have a great weekend.
Hope so, but if she snarfs up all the ice cream like the last muse, it’s over!!
Gotta love your muse. Mine’s asking for pie and chips.
Ooooooooh, pie and chips. I once had a muse who was a fan of pasties. I think she was Cornish.
Clearly your regular muse enjoys muses.
If there are:
Gaggles of geese.
Murders of crows.
Parliament of owls.
So what do you call a flock of muses?
A bewilderment of muses?
Given the quality of your posts, I’d say you have a pretty good muse helping you, even if you don’t realize it.
My muses never neglect to tell me just how clever they are and how utterly dependent upon them that I am.
You have no idea how much we needed your humor on this challenge. Laughing through reading your post. Yeah, you are a writer. Get that chocolate chip ice cream out, 2 spoons, and open your mind to the new, promising muse. Let us know her name, if she works out. And if she stays, does she really like that ice cream or tries to entice you to change to a low calorie Halo Top, Wink frozen desert, Arctic Zero or Skinny Cow. 😳🤣 Christine
I once tried a muse who worked for single malt Scotch. We had a lot of fun – but didn’t get a lot of work done. 🙂
If this new muse hangs around, ask if s/he has an older sibling to send my way. 🙂 Happy turkey day.
Remember Aunt Clara from the TV show “Bewitched”. Uh-huh, that’s her older sister.
You have a great turkey day too. Hope the cranberry sauce turns out spectacular!
A while back, I decided having a Muse was too much like having an employer — working with a boss in an office. So, I quit, and started being my own muse. The pay’s not so great, but getting to set the rules and be my own HR department’s pretty sweet.
From time to time, I have found a muse to be like the character in every office who wanders from cube to cube to complain about their lovers. It is how they avoid work as well as ensure that no one else does more than them.
One wonders how they fare in the digital age, with blocking and all that. Perhaps that is why I found my productivity to be several orders of magnitude higher when I worked at home.
The beginning of a beautiful relationship?
I will take bountiful over beautiful. 🙂
I look forward to seeing what you and the new muse come up with on future blogs!😊
I have a feeling she is going to bring back Stan. 🙂
Muse: Let’s take a look at your hashtags.
Interesting pickup line, lol. This is a fun post, thanks!
It is the millennial version of “What’s your sign?”
Lifting my glass in toast to you and your new muse…. may she never be fickle.
Sometimes fickle is best. It can be motivating.
I would suggest that if you can’t get her with ice cream, you might look for more of a tomboy muse and bring out the BBQ.
Great post, Greg. Best of luck in your new relationship.
Ooooooooh, BBQ. I’d write sonnets for that!
Good one Greg.
Congrats on your new muse affair. May it be long and tortuous! I mean productive and fun. 🙂 Your muse posts were part of the original ones that stirred by muse imagination. Thanks Greg.
So well said. 🙂 🙂
They’re an ornery crew! 🙂
Glad to see you two are back together!! Write on, Greg!
It is and has always been a stormy relationship. I think she likes Stan better.
This is great. I was hoping someone would interview muses and this fit the bill. So funny… and who knows, a new relationship in the making. I’m so glad you participated. Your posts always crack me up. I have you lined up for a reblog. Thanks so much for adding to the fun, Greg. 🙂
Hey, thanks for the prompt. I needed something to motivate me. Does that make you my muse? 🙂 🙂
LOL. I run a “Find Your Muse” agency.
Among the well-worn t-shirts in my closet is one that reads, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Sounds like you have found a wonderful new relationship. Keep up the good work! And keep the freeze stocked!
Hmmmmm, back when I worked for the Minnesota Department of Public Safety, I repeatedly suggested that the Driver Vehicle System (DVS) be subject to a “technological update”, which should happen at least every five years.
They put it off for 30 years, then when it broke, by not complying with Real ID, they tried to rewrite it, all at once.
The result was a $173 million disaster.
The question becomes what is broke and what is too fragile to survive.
If we are still talking about writing and inspiration, I hope that the sense of “fragility” is fleeting.
I do admire your work.
First thing I thought of was ‘clickbait!’ There’s your muse. Then I Googled it: Clickbait generally doesn’t denote deep, useful content, so visitors tend not to stay for too long. So much for that muse…..
clickbait is a great metaphor for speed dating, not that I actually have tried speed dating. My wife would probably object. 🙂 🙂
I worry about Stan….
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