Have I told you lately that I love you?

13493461213871It was early morning and before heading out for a long day on the farm, I had a question.

“Have I told you lately that I love you?”

“Nope,” my wife said.

That’s when another question occurred to me…

“Hey, wait a minute, have you told me lately that you love me?”

“Nope,” she said.

I suppose fair is fair.

“How about a kiss instead?” I asked.

“Nope,” she said. This time she was adamant.

“Why not?”

“Because you haven’t shaved.”

She was right. I needed a shave. I had been working long hours during harvest and was not willing to spend what little free time I had on grooming. Besides, I hate to shave and further more, what is the point when one is covered in grain dust all day?

But let’s get down to what is important here. Isn’t love supposed to be unconditional and doesn’t that cover shaving?

Or is it just something we tell ourselves?

Love is best served unconditionally because knowing we are flawed, we must be willing to accept the flaws of others. But there is a balance to these things and love is always bound by conditions. These are the guardrails of our relationships that cover everything from petty annoyances to issues of trust and it is utterly astonishing how little or how much some couples will tolerate.

I have an old buddy, Stan, whose honky-tonk lifestyle is something right out of a Johnny Horton song.  The stuff he gets away with….

I once asked him, “How come Daphne hasn’t shot you yet?”

“Because,” he said, “unlike some people, I shave every day.”

“Gosh,” I said, “you mean if I were to shave regularly, I could get away with what you get away with?”

He cast a withering gaze in my direction, then said, “I wouldn’t try that if I were you.”

So I suppose everyone has their limits. He has broad latitude and I have a razor, so I trudged downstairs to my man bathroom and put it to use.

“That’s better,” she said when I came upstairs. “Now, you can kiss me.”

“Nope,” I said, just as adamantly as she said it to me.

“Are you just trying to get back at me?”

“Not at all,” I told her, “it’s your hair curlers.  I can’t risk getting too close.”

Author: Almost Iowa


61 thoughts on “Have I told you lately that I love you?”

  1. Cute story. Most of us can relate. Your conflict is easily remedied.
    My solution: I got a haircut that didn’t need rollers and my husband had to keep his beard neatly trimmed.

  2. What’s the point of retiring if you can’t refrain from shaving every day? On the other hand, keeping your honey happy is a full time job…

  3. My cheeks haven’t seen a razor since circa 2011 (I trim the beard, lest I want to look like Mullah Omar, but…). Don’t know if I could shave every day, have you got an idea of the productivity I’m gaining by not doing that!? That’s what I say to the Boss when she inquires about seeing me sheared in the not-too-distant future. Somehow it works.

  4. My wife has adopted the hand chinstrap for when I don’t shave. Makes it tough for the lips to connect, but I guess she feels better about it.

    1. I dunno. We love Scooter and the cats and rarely do they shave. On the other hand, they don’t use curlers, though Scooter wears a lot of the outdoors in his bushy tail. 🙂

  5. I’m going to be moving, which means I’m sorting. I found the bag of curlers on a top shelf, at the back. I was going to throw them out, but I’m reconsidering. I’m not anticipating the need for defensive maneuvers, but you never know.

  6. I thought at the end there that you were going to tell the wife to shave (her legs). But curlers will do it too. A fun story about give and take, Greg. Stay warm and safe out there on the harvest.

    1. I thought at the end there that you were going to tell the wife to shave (her legs).

      That is in my arsenal of comebacks, but like anything nuclear, it best never used.

  7. Hahaha! Nice to see another post from you! It’s getting so that whenever I see Stan’s name, I immediately start laughing before I’ve even read the rest of the story! 🙂 Better luck tomorrow hahaha.

    1. It is nice to be posting again, we picked the last corn on Monday and everyone is catching up on their sleep. It has been a hard year: wet, cold and full of break-downs – but another year has passed.

  8. I am not sure if I should shave or take out my rollers before I comment. Now that’s enough to make me pause and stop shaving. Of course I would have to be shaving to stop…

  9. I don’t mind beards, but I do require it cleared of food scraps before getting very close.

    1. The promises of drunks, addicts and ex-cons rarely hold weight, though I have found those who stay sober and turn themselves around are often times the most trustworthy – but that is a long, long process.

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