Welcome to Subway

jean_victor_balin_sandwich_one“Welcome to Subway; can I take your order?”

“Sure, I’d like a roast-beef on wheat; six inch.”

“What kind of bread?”


“What kind of sandwich?”

“Roast beef.”

“Six inch?”


“What kind cheese?”




“What do you want on that?”

“Lettuce, tomato…”

“We’re out of tomato.”

“You’re kidding?”


“Could someone go to the supermarket next door and get some? I’ll wait.”

“It don’t work that way at Subway.”


“What else do you want on your sandwich?”


“We’re out of tomato.”

“Okay, green peppers and onion.”

“What sauce?”

“No sauce.”

“Is that all?”

“Yes – and an M&M cookie.”

“What kind?”



“I only have five dollars.”


“You don’t have tomato, I don’t have change. Sounds like a wash to me.”

“It don’t work that way at Subway.”

Author: Almost Iowa


32 thoughts on “Welcome to Subway”

  1. A small German restaurant has opened on the outskirts of “town.” On opening day, the story goes around town, bratwurst on a roll was ordered. Oh, sorry, we are out of hot dog rolls, would you like it on a hamburger roll? FIRST DAY! There’s a Food Lion just down the road. I’ll let you know when they close.

    1. Instead they threatened to call a cop because I already took a bite out of the sandwich. The guys I was with then showed the clerk their shields.

  2. I was spitting nails when I read this last night. I thought my first fast-food experience in L.A. (on an interview visit more than thirty years ago) was so freakin’ funny, and summed up L.A. so well (I ask for a cheeseburger at Fatburger’s. Response: “You want cheese on that?” I wait 20 minutes at the window. Same guy returns: “Did you want cheese on that cheeseburger?”). Now that I’m blogging, of course that teensy delight went into the Blog-Fodder Bin. Not only have you dumped all over my potential post with yours, but you out-funnied any piece I could have produced from it. So much so that it makes me question my very existence.

    Happily for my blog’s future, having nothing interesting or witty to say never stopped a blogger.

      1. So true. I often think of this in relation to the story of Job, which has so greatly inspired my own knee-slapper. Kind of a Job “Lite”. Still waitin’ on those two asses… (wonder what the lite equivalents are? lifetime 10%-off coupons at Walmart?)

  3. We are frequent flyers at Subway – same order each time – we split a whole wheat veggie sub, toasted, with white cheddar, assorted trimmings. One my half, hot banana peppers, and on his, ground black pepper. More. More… keep going… little more. Good.

    Last time we were in hubby noted that they have a new ground black pepper dispenser with larger holes. Takes half the time to complete our order!

  4. I eat at fast food places so seldom that when I do, I must stand there for a significant period of time studying a menu that is overcrowded with choices. Meanwhile, behind me, I sense hungry diners rolling their eyes or tapping their toes. And the look I get from those behind the counter…well, it’s akin to “Come on lady, I don’t have all day for you to figure out what you want.” Yeah, I just don’t frequent Subway or any fast food eateries often.

    Entertaining story that I expect has way too much truth written into it.

    1. It is definitely that overhead menu overload that keeps me away. I swear my blood pressure rises just knowing I have to look at that jumble of choices!

      1. A lot of marketing research indicates that while people say they want a wide range of choices, what they are actually saying is they want tp choose the things they like but not be bothered by a list of what everyone else likes. It’s a conundrum but one that makes sense.

        The best places are those where they know your name and what you like.

    2. Get ready for the next wave. In the near future, you will be expected to order with your phone, tablet or computer. No more chatting with the staff. In the future after that, there will be no staff to chat to.

  5. -I have a ten o’clock appointment with Dr. So-and-so. My name is Rudolph Rednose.
    -Yes, Mr. Rednose. I see you missed last week’s appointment.
    -I know. But I called in two hours before and cancelled.
    -One must give a 24-hour notice in order to cancel. Before Dr. So-and-So can see you, you will have to pay a fifty dollar cancellation fee.
    I write a check for fifty dollars and hand it over to the receptionist.
    -As I said, I have a ten o’clock appointment with Dr. So-and-So.
    -I am afraid the doctor cancelled all appointments this morning.
    -Then that will be one hundred dollars please.
    -One hundred dollars?
    -Yes. That is my fee for a cancellation of an appointment without twenty-four hours notice. I am an attorney and that is my per hour fee..
    -Will that be cash or check?

  6. I’ve seen these Subway franchises popping up all over the place. I’ve never been in one and after that tale I never will. Your score thus far Subway 0; Almost Iowa Blog 1

    1. The worst I have seen of this was a Taco Bell that ran out of lettuce. You would think they would have the courtesy to warn their customers. They didn’t.

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