I am cleaning out my cube. I retire next week and thought it best to do that now. You never know what you might find in there, and literally, the very last thing you want to do is explain away something embarrassing as they escort you out the door.
Here is what I found:
- Enough Benadryl and Ibuprofin to drop a moose.
- A shoe-box full of floppy disks. Remember the kind of disk that actually flopped?
- One union contract: unread and unreadable.
- Several pounds of pennies. The pop machine takes quarters, dimes and nickels; only my desk drawer takes pennies.
- One employee manual: partially read and utterly indecipherable.
- A long forgotten shelf of manuals from a long forgotten system. I requested they be donated to the Smithsonian – though I doubt the institute is interested in anything that old.
- Cables… miles of them. Printer cables, video cables, ethernet cables and some surprisingly heavy duty power cables. I think I once used these to jump-start a battleship.
- Two overhead bins containing documentation. Total weight: several hundred pounds. Total cost to produce: several hundred thousand dollars. Number of times referenced: Zero. How do I know that no one read them? I taped a $20 bill to the Table of Contents, along with a note promising another $20 bill to the holder of the note. The bill is still there. (If you are my replacement and reading this post, lunch is on me).
- A blizzard of yellow Post-it notes pasted helter-skelter to my computer monitor. It’s where all my ultra-secret passwords are kept.
- An old security badge with a picture of a much thinner me. (So that is where that thing went! I spent two days convincing security that I lost it – which I suppose I did.)
- A large suitcase. I have no idea how it got there. It is not mine but you never know what you will find once you move a small mountain of manuals and documentation binders.
- The carcass of a long dead mouse. The mystery of what stuck up the office six years ago is now solved.
NOTE: I will be out of the country and off the grid for much of September, so stop back in a few weeks.