Dear Santa, I Can Explain

liftarn_Make_a_Santa_listDear Santa,

Do you really know who is naughty or nice?

If you do, let me explain.

I’m not really naughty. I just get caught a lot. My sister never gets caught and that is why she gets everything she wants.

You need to look into her.

Now about that cookie jar. I only took the last few. I don’t know where the other ones went. I couldn’t have eaten an entire jar of cookies by myself because I had a stomach ache that day.

And as for the dog in the house. It wasn’t my fault. Scooter knows he’s supposed to stay outside but he came in anyway. He wouldn’t leave so I had to chase him. It really wasn’t that bad. We have lots of other ornaments and lights for the Christmas tree.

I did my book report, even though Mrs Cravats says I didn’t. You know how kids claim their dog ate their homework? Well, it happens.

Can we clear up a few other things too?

  • How would I know you can’t microwave keys?
  • Am I the only boy with my name who can pee it in the snow?
  • I didn’t chase Cindy Johnson with a snake. I was just trying to give it to her.
  • About the yard-sale, how was I supposed to know mom wanted all that junk?  Dad says her Barbie collection was too big anyway.
  • What was wrong with telling Aunt Ethel she has some serious issues?  Mom says so.
  • After taking the washing machine apart, I planned to put it back together.  Why was everyone so mad?

Finally, I admit it. It was me who fed crayons to Scooter to see if he could poop different colors. That was bad.  Honest, I don’t know what got into me.

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