I never use the last of anything. I will always leave a sip of milk in the jug, a whiff of gas in the tank and a single sheet of toilet paper on the roll.
It drives my wife nuts but it is what I do.
I can’t help myself.
I grew up in a family of thirteen and learned very early that enormous responsibilities accrue to those who take the last of anything – for it becomes incumbent upon them to replace that which they use the last of.
In other words, they have to go to the store.
In a large family, there is no such thing as going to the store for one item. If you slip up and are forced to go shopping, a cascade of wants and desires suddenly befall you. You will spend the remainder of the day pecking among the grocery shelves for the oddest of articles.
I don’t mind going to the store. Really, I don’t. I don’t mind the endless scavenger hunt. I don’t even mind the cryptic grocery lists. But what I do mind, and what I have always minded, are the annotations.
Here is the list handed to me this morning.
- Milk: I know we have a gallon but even though you said you didn’t drink out of the jug, I saw you do it and that’s gross. And for pity sake, check the freshness date for once.
- Bananas: Make sure you buy the regular ones this time. Last time you bought the expensive organic bananas. Be careful, they mix them up. Check the label.
- Yogurt: My kind, not yours. Mine is in the Greek Low-Fat yogurt in the blue container. Last time you got the wrong stuff. I had to feed it to the cats at my parent’s grain bin site, even they turned up their noses at it. Imagine that!
- Hamburger: Don’t grab the first thing you see. You say you don’t but you know you do. If it is already brown, don’t buy it.
- Snob Coffee: You are almost out and I don’t want to hear your howling in the morning. BTW, why you can’t drink regular coffee like everyone else? A tub of Folger’s would last you a year. Think about it.
- Cheetos: Make sure you get the baked ones. Check for the word “baked”. If you can’t find the word on the package, don’t buy them.
- Orange Juice: Check for the blue label that says “Calcium”. Yes, I know we have a full jug but you can’t keep adding water to it for weeks.
- Diet Caffeine-Free Mountain Dew: If you bring back any other variety of soft drink, you will be watching the grand-kids all day.
My reaction?
“Let’s use what we have before we buy more.”
Almost Iowa 