Right there in the junk food aisle of our little rural supermarket, I won the longest running squabble in the history of my marriage.
It went down somewhere between the Buffalo Ranch Doritos and the Chili Cheese Fritos, but exactly where is not critical, what is important is that I finally and decisively won the Blue Corn Snob Chips War.
It began like this.
A few years ago, my sister asked us to pick up chips for a family gathering and my wife unwittingly tossed an ordinary bag of tortilla chips into the grocery cart.
I informed her that ordinary were not worthy of my sister’s legendary guacamole dip. Only blue corn tortilla chips would do.
She did not take it well.
“I’m just a country girl…” she began, “and where I come from people don’t eat snob chips.”
Forgive me for stating the obvious but when my wife begins a sentence with “I’m just a country girl” what follows is not an expression of humility. For her “being country” is the most virtuous of all virtues while “being city” is the viciest of all vices.
You would think our years together would have narrowed that cultural chasm, especially after we moved to her little Minnesota town – but it only made matters worse.
She insists on plain old while I (too often in her opinion) tilt toward snobby – which makes for some awkward situations.
For example, I once made the mistake of serving a Guinness Stout to a neighbor. He spat it out.
“That,” he exclaimed, “tastes like the stuff I use to seal-coat my driveway.”
The next time he came over I served his favorite beer, one that comes in a 24 pack and requires tap water to thicken it up.
The same happens with coffee.
My rural guests complain that they can taste my coffee all the way to next week. They prefer it anemic, preferably with less caffeine than the FDA allows in baby formula.
So does that make me a snob?
My wife thinks so.
But who’s the snob here?
If someone likes blue corn chips, craft beer or strong coffee, who is to say that is wrong?
The world needs progress and fashions evolve– but yeah, some people take it too far. They change their politics and morals at the speed of TicToc.
The world sorely needs stability too. Someone has to anchor the culture, least we all drift away – but again some take it too far and haven’t changed their views since cars wore fins.
There is enough vice and virtue to go all the way around and being the last to adopt a fad is just as virtuous as being the first.
It is why I like being a Midwesterner. Ideas come to us from the coasts and by the time they get here, they are worn thin – so we can see right through the worst of them.
But things do get here eventually. Even things like blue corn tortilla chips which recently made an appearance on the shelves of our little rural supermarket – right there between the Buffalo Ranch Doritos and the Chili Cheese Fritos.
Almost Iowa 
Why not serve both and let the guests decide?
Greatness. I am grinning 😀.
No blue corn chips for me, but not because I’m a snob, it’s because I don’t really like the idea of blue food anything. I think the only ‘blue’ food I might eat is blueberries and on close inspection they’re really kind of purple-y.
Such a good post. I try not to judge other people’s food and beverage preferences because, like you mentioned, who’s to say what’s right or wrong? So many favorite foods or eating habits might stem from childhood experiences, our upbringing, and our culture. It’s incredibly personal. Thanks for sharing!
Personally, I think everyone should eat and drink whatever they like, and no one’s preferences should be considered snobbish. But I know that’s completely unrealistic….
I dunno, I have this funny feeling that over time pickiness and prejudice evolves into unique and authentically interesting culture. 🙂
Here in the Southwest I go for the white corn chips and blue corn taco shells. I rarely run into anyone who’s all that picky if you’re offering beer, coffee, or chips and dip. But we do have excellent breweries and local coffee shops!
A cultural chasm appears about a half hour away from the nearest craft brewery or chain coffee shop. On the other side of that chasm tastes change dramatically and the local flavor becomes paramount.
If I’m buying the beer, I’m buying the brand I enjoy. If the neighbor doesn’t like it, he’s free to bring his own. However, when I visit my bother in Iowa (Ames), I attend a meeting of his Beer Club – those guys drink some scary stuff. Still, I guess a college town isn’t really country.
I have become disenchanted with many craft breweries and distilleries mostly because they try too hard to create unique rather than reliably good offerings. Hint, when you see triple IPA avocado beer, someone has lost the plot.
Ha ha. I like a few craft beers when they first started popping up around here, but then everyone went IPA crazy, and I lost interest.
I don’t know. Midwesterners must come in as many varieties as chips. My Swedish Iowa grandmother’s egg coffee was strong enough to walk around the block before anyone else got out of bed, but when it was ‘saucered and blowed,’ it was delicious.
“saucered and blowed”
I actually saw that once in England with tea – but I guess in the US the practice vanished when the cup and saucer were replaced with the over-sized mug. I drink my morning coffee out of a Redwing clay mug that is the size of a trash can.
My grandpa still saucered and blowed with a handy combination of cup and saucer in a larger size. The so-called ‘mush cups’ were large enough to hold everything from corn meal mush to crackers and milk, but they also served nicely for coffee drinkers who didn’t want to refill their cups every few minutes. It’s hard to tell size from the photo, but the cups usually were 5″ or 6″ in diameter, with the saucers proportionally larger.
My father was a tea drinker and he would “ saucer and blow”- only now I find out it’s a thing😁
If someone likes blue corn chips, craft beer or strong coffee, who is to say that is wrong? Not I, that’s for sure. In fact I’m right there with you. Hold your ground, this is a hill to die on.
In rural areas, opinions are strongly held, heck try parking at a Ford bar in a Chevy truck sometime. See if you survive. 🙂
I don’t get the connection between blue corn chips and cities. I have been to NYC, the city of cities, and I have never seen blue corn growing there. The coffee thing sort of makes sense though, in the sense that cities are full of caffeine addicts who are rude and obnoxious until they get their fix. Also, everything in NYC is expensive, so why buy weak terrible coffee that costs the same amount as strong coffee?
I like your take on growing blue corn in NYC, but hey, I never thought they had skunks there – but everywhere I went I smelled skunk.
You smelled marijuana. In NYC, the streets are paved with pot.
Greg, this is a great post. It’s fun but sneakily filled with insights. It’s too bad more people don’t “see through the worst” ideas. I like blue corn tortilla chips — but I like the cheap brand of yellow corn too. Beer… I can’t be on the fence about that. I’m not much of a beer drinker, but when I do, I can’t cope with the 24-pk stuff at all. Toasting you with a mug of Fat Tire Ale. Hugs.
The best beer I ever had was in a little English village called Chilham, not far from Canterbury. I was doing the Canterbury pilgrimage in reverse when I stopped by a pub and asked for whatever was on tap. They poured me a warm Kentish ale. I took one sip and told the bartender that I was never going to leave his bar. He looked at his watch and said, “In three hours you will.”
I spent many years in the Midwest and finally figured out the aversion to high quality coffee and beer. It is a matter of quantity over quality. One can guzzle more low octane everything.
Quantity is okay until you head for bed, then it is getting up to pee on the hour. Never used to have to do that – why now? 🙂
Because your system is getting back at all the abuse it took without saying a word.
Another fun romp through your citified mind Greg. Please pass the blue chips and Guinness!
I am slowly being countrified…. you know weak beer and weaker coffee. 🙂
😊
I like your blue corn chips, but you need black bean dip & hot, hot salsa for the comPLETE protein. At least, th as t’s what an ex-boyfriend told me.
You do amuse, Greg. Thanks for the chuckle!
Never mind what an ex tells you, it’s why we call them ex. 🙂
The one time he was right? It tastes good to me! (And I don’t have to share with him….bwahahaha!)
This reminds me of that joke about the snobby girl who asks her roommate where she’s from. Roommate says “Iowa.” Snobby girl says, “Oh, I love your accent. Around here, we say Ohio.” Now pass those snobby blue chips.
Last week, an Iowa legislative representative proposed merging the bottom nine counties of Minnesota with Iowa. Not a bad idea. Perhaps I will have to change the name of my blog from Almost Iowa to Iowa. 🙂
I’m rather curious to know how your neighbour knows what the stuff he uses to seal-coat his driveway tastes like.
Don’t know if you have been around fresh seal coat, but you can taste it from a quarter mile away. 🙂
Ah, one of those.
I feel your pain. One must have standards…
😉
The challenge of establishing standards is agreeing on what they should be. I still argue with myself on that matter.