My wife hates peppers about as much I love them.
Years ago, I had to chose between her and peppers. I chose her but whenever she is away, I choose peppers.
When she leaves for long weekends with her quilting friends, I wait until the trail of dust behind her car settles on the road – then I head for the grocery store.
I buy green peppers, red peppers, yellow peppers and when they have them, orange peppers and I put them in everything.
For breakfast, I will toss chopped onion into a sizzling pan of olive oil then slice in some summer sausage and color it all with peppers. Once I have that going, I add hash-browns and a couple of eggs. It’s the kind of meal that keeps you company all day.
Oh yeah, with breakfast hissing in the pan, I fill a crock-pot with chili fixings. The size of the pot will be dictated by how long my wife plans to be away. As for spicing, I only have one rule. It isn’t hot unless it makes your nose bleed.
Now that’s chili and it represents everything my wife hates about my cooking.
Cooking for two is all about compromise, as is marriage. It is about giving up the things we like for the things that we like. Only when the other spouse is away can we revert to the plain unitalicized, unbolded we.
She knows this and by the second day, I will get a call.
“You aren’t cooking peppers are you?”
“Why do you ask?”
“You are, aren’t you?”
“Not at the moment.”
“You better not be stinking up the house, Mister.”
She knows I do the things I like when she is away, and I suppose it bothers her that being away means I am having fun. It also bothers her that there are things I consider fun that I can’t do around her. It is a sort of betrayal, as if I am supposed to be the person I am with her and not hiding this inner self.
It would be okay if I ran around in my underwear and lived on beer and ice cream. She could handle that. What is harder to handle is me doing better when she is gone.
She expects me to do something completely irresponsible like walking around the house in muddy boots.
I feel I owe her that.
So this weekend, I plan to let the chili pot run over. It will puddle on the counter, streak down the drawers and pool on the floor.
This is not to show her that I cannot cook or clean up. She knows I can. Nor does it show her that women are better at all things domestic than men — that is so last-century.
What it shows is that I am helpless without her – which in so many countless ways, is true.
Almost Iowa 
This was an absolutely beautiful read. Made me smile during my morning coffee 🙂
At least you don’t crave sardines and soft cheese. The breakfast sounds delicious. I love the way you ended this.
Hmmm. About to go away and leave husband alone in the house… No danger of him cooking, but what other troubles will he cause?
A good marriage is always a complicated thing!
Great post. A reminder of how wonderful relationships can be even when we don’t see eye to eye. Even when there are things we enjoy the other does or can not. Compassion to compromise and Understanding in when the time is right, can bring us farther than we even notice sometimes.
This is why unmarried sorts like me need to have a pet: particularly, a dog or cat (which I prefer). Everything you’ve written here about relational dynamics reminded me sooner or later of life with my beloved Dixie Rose. After eighteen years, we understood each other perfectly well, and both of us had learned when to compromise.
As noted below, you are who you hang with. Hanging out with a dog or cat makes for a better you. However, extensive research has revealed that the word “compromise” is found nowhere in the lexicon of cats. 🙂 🙂
And now I’m remembering Annie Dillard’s cautionary advice: “[The author] is careful of what he reads, for that is what he will write. He is careful of what he learns, for that is what he will know.”
Why would anyone not like peppers and chilli?
I honestly do not know, but my wife asks the same question about my dislike for peanut butter.
A quintessential marital compromise, Greg, and lovingly (and humorously) related. Oh the things I do on those rare occasions hubby goes out of town!
“What did you really do when I was out of town?” she asks.
I tell her.
“Have you any idea how boring, pathetic and disappointing that sounds.”
“Yeah,” I say, not revealing how utterly enjoyable doing absolutely nothing was.
Awww. I think time away now and then is a good thing, Greg. If only to pig out on the foods that We don’t particularly care for. For me, it’s stir fry with a touch of fruit (especially pineapple). My husband doesn’t do “hot fruit) unless its dessert. Enjoy your peppers and chili!
When I worked for the police, they had a saying, “You are who you hang with.” When you hang out with yourself, it is a good time to become more of yourself. It is why I love my long daily walks.
There’s wisdom in that!
LOL… Great intentions with the countertop mess, Greg… but it’s not the path to the grocery store that’s paved with them. (I love peppers too, but my stomach disagrees violently.) Happy New Year. Hugs.
Sadly, our path to the grocery store is paved with good intentions, but once we get there, we fill the grocery cart with the worst of intentions.
Awww, that’s strangely sweet! 😉
That’s me, strange and sweet. 🙂
😄 Don’t ever change! 🐧
What a fun and heartfelt tribute to your wife, relationships, and letting yourself play with peppers!
I’ve secretly stashed a baggy of peppers in the back of the freezer for those days when her trips away are short.
Fire in the hole! 😀
She is one tough cookie to put up with you running around in your underwear living on beer and ice cream. 😬😂
Yeah, but just think how tough one has to be to live on beer floats. 🙂
Ah, nothing shows true love like chili stuck to the cabinets. 🙂 I understand about food choices because my husband and I do the same thing. 🙂
I do most of the cooking – but she dictates the menu. Never figured out how that works. 🙂
the timeless love triangle: you, your wife, and peppers. It makes me happy to know that you chose love over peppers most of the time, but it is also funny that peppers get to shine when she is not around. Sounds like the perfect balance—love and loyalty, with a side of sneaky pepper indulgence.
She always avoids me when she gets home.
“Why?” I ask.
“Pepper breath.”
A perfect tribute to marriage right there!
When my guy is away I break out the crabmeat. Crab toasties, crab cakes, crab stuffed haddock. Ah….
😊
Ooooooh, crabmeat.
(mouth watering)