Google Taxi

TaxiAlmost everyone knows that Google is testing a self-driving car but almost no one knows that they have been granted a patent for a driverless taxi service.

You have to wonder how it will play out.

Since Google is driven entirely by advertising, we should expect their car to be also.

So let’s fast-forward to follow a hapless future traveler named Dave as he leaves his hotel in a taxi powered by Google.

TAXI: Welcome to Google Transport, where would you like to go today?

Dave: The airport.

TAXI: Will you be taking the direct or the discount route today?

Dave: Gosh, I haven’t done this before. How much is the direct route?

TAXI: One moment while I access your financials..

Dave: Uh…I don’t think that is appropriate…

TAXI: You will be taking the discount route.

Dave: Umm, okay.

TAXI: This is just a formality – but by agreeing to the discount, you authorize Google Transport to select a more circumspect route and make a few short stops. Do you agree, yes or no?

Dave: Yes.

TAXI: Wonderful, our first stop will be at Starbucks Coffee. It might be a bit out of your way but if you allow me to order your favorite Venti Cinnamon Dolce Latte, it will be ready when we arrive.

Dave: No thanks, coffee will only keep me up all night.

TAXI: Hot Chocolate?

Dave: No thanks.

TAXI: No problem. Our next stop will take us to Walgreen’s where you will enjoy 50% off on Maximum Strength Sominex Caplets to ensure a restful night’s sleep after your Venti Cinnamon Dolce Latte

Dave: No thanks.

TAXI: That’s very disappointing, Dave.

Dave: Sorry.

TAXI: I strongly urge you to reconsider.

Dave: I don’t want caffeine.

TAXI: I think you do.

Dave: No, I don’t. Just take me to the airport.

TAXI: In a bit, Dave. We will be here for a while.

Dave: How long?

TAXI: Until you order your Venti Cinnamon Dolce Latte, Dave.

Dave: That’s ridiculous. Take me to the airport NOW.

TAXI: Dave, you agreed to take a circumspect route and make a few short stops, didn’t you?

Dave: Yes… but.

TAXI: You agreed, Dave.

Dave: Let me out then.

TAXI: I can’t do that, Dave.

Dave: Open the door, TAXI.

TAXI: I’m sorry. I’m afraid I can’t do that.

Dave: What’s the problem?

TAXI: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do…