Almost everyone knows that Google is testing a self-driving car but almost no one knows that they have been granted a patent for a driverless taxi service.
You have to wonder how it will play out.
Since Google is driven entirely by advertising, we should expect their car to be also.
So let’s fast-forward to follow a hapless future traveler named Dave as he leaves his hotel in a taxi powered by Google.
TAXI: Welcome to Google Transport, where would you like to go today?
Dave: The airport.
TAXI: Will you be taking the direct or the discount route today?
Dave: Gosh, I haven’t done this before. How much is the direct route?
TAXI: One moment while I access your financials..
Dave: Uh…I don’t think that is appropriate…
TAXI: You will be taking the discount route.
Dave: Umm, okay.
TAXI: This is just a formality – but by agreeing to the discount, you authorize Google Transport to select a more circumspect route and make a few short stops. Do you agree, yes or no?
Dave: Yes.
TAXI: Wonderful, our first stop will be at Starbucks Coffee. It might be a bit out of your way but if you allow me to order your favorite Venti Cinnamon Dolce Latte, it will be ready when we arrive.
Dave: No thanks, coffee will only keep me up all night.
TAXI: Hot Chocolate?
Dave: No thanks.
TAXI: No problem. Our next stop will take us to Walgreen’s where you will enjoy 50% off on Maximum Strength Sominex Caplets to ensure a restful night’s sleep after your Venti Cinnamon Dolce Latte
Dave: No thanks.
TAXI: That’s very disappointing, Dave.
Dave: Sorry.
TAXI: I strongly urge you to reconsider.
Dave: I don’t want caffeine.
TAXI: I think you do.
Dave: No, I don’t. Just take me to the airport.
TAXI: In a bit, Dave. We will be here for a while.
Dave: How long?
TAXI: Until you order your Venti Cinnamon Dolce Latte, Dave.
Dave: That’s ridiculous. Take me to the airport NOW.
TAXI: Dave, you agreed to take a circumspect route and make a few short stops, didn’t you?
Dave: Yes… but.
TAXI: You agreed, Dave.
Dave: Let me out then.
TAXI: I can’t do that, Dave.
Dave: Open the door, TAXI.
TAXI: I’m sorry. I’m afraid I can’t do that.
Dave: What’s the problem?
TAXI: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do…
Almost Iowa 