Please Do Not Power Off or Unplug Your Machine

computer-laptopIt never fails.

You promised to cook dinner and now you are running late, really late.

As you rush to pack up your laptop and hurry out the door, you discover that Microsoft has something else in mind.

Yet another update.

“Please Do Not Power Off or Unplug Your Machine” your computer tells you.

What it does not say is “Or Else” but that is implied.

If you force a shutdown, all of the things you should have backed up will be lost and all the software that you should have kept track of will have to be repurchased and all the music and films that you pirated…

Well, there is that.

Turning off your machine is not an option – but you tell yourself it will not take long. It is just a windows update.

So you wait.

After a long pause, the screen reads, Update 1 of 11.

Not so bad….. only 11 updates.

By update #2, you have missed dinner.

By update #3, the yogurt in your refrigerator has expired.

By update #4, your driver’s license renewal is past due.

By update #5, your children retire.

By update #6, the national debt is paid-off.

By update #7, the Second Coming has come and gone.

By update #8, the Third Coming is long forgotten.

By update #9, a new geological age has arrived.

By update #10, the planets have spent their orbits and crashed one after the other into the sun.

By update #11, an astronomer on a lonely planet in a distant galaxy peers across the universe to observe the death of the Milky-Way. He opens his laptop to inform his wife that he fully intends to cook dinner like he promised but Windows has seized his machine and the screen reads:

“Please Do Not Power Off or Unplug Your Machine”

Author: Almost Iowa

www.almostiowa.com

18 thoughts on “Please Do Not Power Off or Unplug Your Machine”

  1. HaHaHa! It seems that your list of calamitous events tends to end with the extreme astronomical kind, like the tug of a black hole, or the abovementioned scenarios:

    By update #10, the planets having spent their orbits, crash one after the other into the sun.
    By update #11, an astronomer on a lonely planet in a distant galaxy peers across the universe to observe the death of the Milky-Way.

    Thank you for visiting my post to contemplate the galactic collision at https://soundeagle.wordpress.com/2012/09/07/soundeagles-poetry-with-enigmas-goodbye-milky-way/

  2. Yep, no consideration. And it’s made worse when you next switch on and it carries on ‘configuring’ or doing a ‘Windows Update Cleanup’… just when you wanted to start work again.

      1. The odds are much more in favor of the Vikings than the Cubs. I predict that the Second Coming will occur when the White Sox and the Cubs play in the World Series and the Cubs win.

  3. See? Your geology training came in handy here!

    I was thinking about exactly this the other day – “this” being the fact that Window’s doesn’t alert you to an update’s schedule. It’s kind of important to those of us who take online exams and need to have a responsive and active computer connection. And those of use who have dinner waiting for tardy spouses.

    1. Yes I can see you the next geological Epoc: Windows 9

      As I left the coffee shop today I tried to shut down the computer and Windows only gave me two options: Update and restart, Update shut down

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